I met Mum when she attended a Me Time Group that I was running.
She told us in the group that in the past she had been homeless, addicted to heroin and described herself as “the lowest of the low” adding that she would “do ANYTHING for money, just to get my next fix.” When her first child was born, he was immediately removed to the care of family members. M describes this as her “wake up call” and she began trying to change her life for the sake of her child.
Since those times Mum has worked incredibly hard, she has now been off all drugs for over 4 years, she has a home and most importantly she has custody of her children, all be it under close supervision of Social Services. She told us that although she would never risk losing her children by using drugs again, every day was a struggle. With tears in her eyes, she told us that she felt completely isolated as all her old friends were addicts so she no longer mixes with them. Her family were estranged “because of everything I put them through.” She was very frightened of “messing up again”, felt that she did not deserve to be happy and couldn’t forgive herself for her past mistakes. I suggested that rather than focus on the mistakes she had made, she should be proud of how far she had come. It was obvious that she really had not heard this before and I think the whole group shed some tears that day.
A few weeks after Mum started the Me Time group, we went into lock down! The following week, I rang Mum (as I did all group participants.) It was obvious that she was feeling very low; she was lonely before, but this was a whole new level!
With my manager’s permission we decided to offer 1-1 support. We did a socially distanced doorstep matching but due to guidance from Home-Start UK and central Government, the volunteer could only support remotely. Fortunately, despite this restriction, Mum and the Volunteer hit it off immediately! They communicated by phone or text several times a week and Mum reported that it made a massive difference to her mood having someone to share things with, someone who cared and who believed in her. Mum had asked for help with setting some boundaries as she had always felt she needed to “spoil” her children in order to compensate for not being there when they were babies. With lots of praise and encouragement from her volunteer, she began to see that she was being a good mum. It was OK to have rules, to say no, her children would still love her, and she would still have created a happy home environment.
By the time lock down was over and the older one started school, Mum was feeling so much more positive. She has even made enquiries about volunteering herself as she knows first-hand what a difference Home-Start support can make.